Is this what burnout feels like?
Dec. 14th, 2018 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elcorhamletliveI feel like I've complained about the hard time I'm having to write this fic on every social media platform I have, so why not here as well, right? sigh
I don't know. The thing that's been getting to me lately is that it feels like I'm not... enjoying my writing, if that makes sense. I'm spitting out words and sentences and although technically the story is progressing and coming together, it just feels... empty. I'm writing and mentally thinking "oh wow this is really bad" and I know that that sounds like begging for compliments, but it's not something I have often. I have crisis but I can feel proud when I think I've done good work. And this fic is just not giving me this feeling.
Part of what is worrying me is that since it's for Holiday Exchange, it's a gift, so I really WANT to like it, because I don't want to give someone something I don't think was well-made. I'm legitimately considering asking if I can fill two prompts because this fic is basically almost finishing (I literally only need to write the final scene) and the overall feeling I have about it is just "meh". I feel like maybe finishing it and writing another fill for a different prompt so the person at least gets two gifts, even if one is not that great. (Though whether I will have time for this is an entirely different question.)
I don't know. Maybe it's because the person has different tastes from me, and so since I'm writing with them in mind, I'm not in my comfort zone. Maybe I'm just still drained from Happy Steve Bingo. Maybe it's because I keep having other ideas that appeal to me, personally, more, and so I just don't let myself get invested on this fic's story.
Maybe I'm just being dramatic. That's also a possibility.
...anyway. I'm gonna have to finish the fic either way, but, I don't know. I guess I miss being excited about my writing. The last thing I finished was two weeks ago, and, even in a tight deadline, I was excited about it. Right now I'm just not getting into it. It's not that words aren't coming, they are showing up, they're doing their job - I just don't like them.
I don't know. The thing that's been getting to me lately is that it feels like I'm not... enjoying my writing, if that makes sense. I'm spitting out words and sentences and although technically the story is progressing and coming together, it just feels... empty. I'm writing and mentally thinking "oh wow this is really bad" and I know that that sounds like begging for compliments, but it's not something I have often. I have crisis but I can feel proud when I think I've done good work. And this fic is just not giving me this feeling.
Part of what is worrying me is that since it's for Holiday Exchange, it's a gift, so I really WANT to like it, because I don't want to give someone something I don't think was well-made. I'm legitimately considering asking if I can fill two prompts because this fic is basically almost finishing (I literally only need to write the final scene) and the overall feeling I have about it is just "meh". I feel like maybe finishing it and writing another fill for a different prompt so the person at least gets two gifts, even if one is not that great. (Though whether I will have time for this is an entirely different question.)
I don't know. Maybe it's because the person has different tastes from me, and so since I'm writing with them in mind, I'm not in my comfort zone. Maybe I'm just still drained from Happy Steve Bingo. Maybe it's because I keep having other ideas that appeal to me, personally, more, and so I just don't let myself get invested on this fic's story.
Maybe I'm just being dramatic. That's also a possibility.
...anyway. I'm gonna have to finish the fic either way, but, I don't know. I guess I miss being excited about my writing. The last thing I finished was two weeks ago, and, even in a tight deadline, I was excited about it. Right now I'm just not getting into it. It's not that words aren't coming, they are showing up, they're doing their job - I just don't like them.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-15 02:20 am (UTC)I think you might just be having a bit of a burn out on fluff as well, and considering that HE generally doesn't tend to be extremely angsty (unless your recipient goes for that) it's hard to work up the feels for it. And also it's December which for Canada means early evenings and less energy. I got a light therapy lamp today -- we'll see if it makes me feel more energetic!
Feel free to hit me up on discord for any brainstorming, btw.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-21 02:21 pm (UTC)I thing the burn out on fluff is very real, as well as some frustrations with fandom in itself, which is really making it hard. Feels like I'm just repeating myself on my fics at this point, which is never a pleasant feeling.
But yeah, hopefully it's just regular fatigue :)
no subject
Date: 2018-12-16 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-21 02:22 pm (UTC)No worries for lack of advice! Sometimes just hearing someone else is going through the same already helps, I think.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-21 08:38 pm (UTC)